A Letter to My Husband

Today you're leaving me. The open road is calling, and despite the numerous roadtrips, you need some guy time to nurture your bromance.

It's cool. I get it. And... I'm not exactly heartbroken about it. I will lounge in my PJs, bake some bread, paint my nails and watch a chick flick. Or maybe just sleep in. Or maybe not. My choice.

I initially was a little jealous. I mean, you will get to visit the amazing Uruguayan cafe on Collins Ave. You can grab a cuban espresso where I had my first caffeine overload, or you can soak up the sun. But then I realize, you can do all those things but you have to do them in about a 2 hour period. Because you are crazy and gave yourself only Saturday and Sunday to accomplish this whole trip. And will immediately be flying back home to New York early on Monday.

I guess this road trip is really just about the bromance, after all. You both have been biking all over the northeast, attempted and failed many a bike trip, sustained random injuries and basically always come back with a story. So I'm kind of excited to hear the recaps.

I love that you want separate guy time, and that you have independent interests and friends. I hate biking, but would go cheer you on in a bike tour. I can't imagine driving to Florida one day, just to fly back the next.


And, because every post deserves a photo:

We Bicker Because We Are Too Close?

Tom and I have been bickering a bit and while I know it's common when you're newly married/trying to live together for the first time- it sucks.

And it's always over stupid things. Most commonly it's not hearing everything the other is saying.

Last night we had a fight about what I heard him say versus what he actually said.

Situation: He told me he talked with someone at church being concerned about their kid entering public school. I got confused over who said it- I assumed the dad. We continue the conversation for a good 5 minutes, with me assuming this. And then when I said something about him, everyone got confused. Ends up, it was the son who was worried. But I didn't hear him say who. But he said he told me it was the son. But I didn't hear him.

Which led us to wonder- why the confusion? No answer was found, but I assumed it was of the  'we don't yet know how to live so closely with one another' camp. Ends up, that was kind of it.

This article from the Telegraph says that when people are too close with one another, they basically just guess what the other is saying, before or while they are still speaking. It happens to us all the time. And we have to stop it. I know I am a huge culprit, and do it way too often.

For instance- He might mention that I should stop be the grocery store and pick up some staples- I might jump in and say 'like milk, bread, cereal and eggs?' before he gets that far. And sure, sometimes I am right, and he is kind of shocked that I read his mind (it's hilarious when we do it and are right).

But other times he'll say 'and we should get some shrimp for dinner Thursday too' but I already stopped listening because I know what I should pick up, and I'm already mentally making a list. So I then forget the shrimp. And then he asks if I forgot and I say 'you never said shrimp'. And during times like that he probably wants to smack me, because it of course is really freaking annoying.

This article says it happens to close friends as well as spouses, saying:

"Our problem in communicating with friends and spouses is that we have an illusion of insight. Getting close to someone appears to create the illusion of understanding more than actual understanding," said co-author Prof Nicholas Epley."

So I guess we (mainly me- him a tiny bit but I'm the main culprit here) need to learn to shut up and take note of what the other is saying, exactly. And pray about how to communicate better, because this just sucks and it's really just a result of never having been this close to each other, for so long before. Because this bickering over what the other person didn't explain, etc is really stupid.


So tell me:

Any of you guys go through this at the beginning? How about still going through it? How did you knock it off and just tell your mind to shut up and listen?

And 30 days after that...

We found out we weren't having a baby.

While this is posted several weeks after we found out, it finally makes sense enough in my head to document on digital paper.

Rough few months right? Well, yes- but also no.

We got married only 3.5 months ago. We went on an amazing honeymoon, explored PA and Maine in several mini-trips. In mid-July we found out we were going to be parents! And we still are parents. We will just have to wait a bit longer to meet our baby in Heaven.

When we first found out, I was asking Tom 'Why couldn't this have happened earlier (and ended before taking the pregnancy test) so we wouldn't have gotten so excited?' Some amazing things have happened because of this knowing.

For one... extensive research. On all thing baby/child/schooling related. Just over a year ago Tom proposed to me, and since September 2012 I have been planning something. First a wedding, then a honeymoon, then a brand new apartment. We had about 1 week of breathing room- and of course I felt the need to research and plan something.

I almost jumped into my Rosetta Stone that's been gathering dust- until we decided to take the test. And then a second to make sure. After that, I found a whole new realm of online mothers and their blogs. Learning how to even be pregnant turned into how to care for a newborn. Then they spawned into how to raise them (biblically) and in God, and then I started researching homeschooling options in NYC (still trying to wrap my brain around that one- how do people grow up in NYC?). Holidays, plans to visit my parents on Thanksgiving every year, and bringing the baby to PR to meet family a few months after being born. Obviously, I have always taken research very seriously.

And then, with the surprise of a underdeveloped baby in my belly, with no heartbeat- that all stopped. 3 appointments over 3 weeks later- and now I am back to dusting off Rosetta.

I'm glad we found out, and had our heart break a little bit. I know God used that month to get us prepared for our lives as future parents- and brought us much closer together. Instead of disagreeing about whether or not we really need to buying pillows, it turned into Tom insisting that he stay home with me when I was miscarrying to take care of me. From trying to just get a routine together, to us learning to talk about the future of us and our families- and where we will be in the new few years.

At lease now I things are starting to return to normalcy. I can sit and think and write some more. And hopefully learn some Spanish :)

20 days later.... We're having a Baby!

Sorry. Been too long, and I've given up on updating the line-a-day from us because we have some exciting new developments.


Yeah, we're having one, sometime in mid-March and we are stoked! And so while I have been missing for a while, I've been busy creating life. You know, I think it's a bit more excusable, right?

Tom and I are thrilled, and everyone who knows so far is too. We told our family and close friends immediately, and are going to our first appointment this next week.

We've even gone through some transitions. Talking about what we'll (ahem, I'll) do about work with my boss has been an issue. Not because they were upset- she was one of the most thrilled for us- but because they are going through a high-turnover phase and I'm adding another position to fill. I am absolutely hoping to be a stay-at-home mom, but that's all God's will. I might be working part time or working remotely from home. It really depends on where Tom's position takes him in these next few months, or if he gets the awesome job (which he applied for when we first started dating in early 2010). Yeah, they are taking their time, but hopefully they keep moving the process forward and it'll be in our future.

So, whew! I'm tired, want some lavender ice cream (so bad!) and have to get back to work.

Stay tuned!

"Getting to know you...

Getting to know all about you." The King and I definitely mirrored us both last night.

Through Anna, the King learns the refineries and responsibilities of "modern" western civilization; Anna meanwhile comes to realize how important it is for an Oriental ruler to maintain his pride and to uphold the customs of his people. 

http://www.moviefone.com/movie/the-king-and-i/20753/synopsis 

I am Anna, and modern civilization was not happy last night.

I found out Tom threw away all my pillows. Because they were old and we should get new ones.

(We are currently using rolled up towels and spare sheets. It's really sad, and my neck whimpers every morning. And him? The man with constant neck pain who requires daily massages? This can't be good for him, waiting the approx 2 weeks for us to make it to a store to test some pillows.)

Okay! I'm up for it, and volunteer our Amazon cards we got from the wedding. He didn't like that idea, said he wants to go to a physical store and test them out. Plus, he thinks that spending more than $5 on a pillow is nuts. And that we only need 2.

Okay, well there are 3 main issues with this.

1. "We'll go test out some pillows in store." This is a problem because we never go to any store, ever. Ever. EVER. And its because of this that Amazon was created, for people like us, with a pretty awesome return policy and hundreds of reviews on Each Individual Pillow. Bam. Pillow bought.
2. "We only need 2 pillows." Are we asking any guests (and my parents?) to bring their own from out of state, or to use rolled up towels? And I love pillows, and use at least 2 nightly.
3. "We should find pillows for around $5." Look up pillows online. They start at $10, and go up to $100+. Not that we'd go that high, but like I said. I'm sick of sleeping on no pillows, and that's what a $5 pillow would be.

Tom is the King, and I don't want to hurt his pride. Over pillows. So I let it be and we ate dinner.

Our first silly married fight? Nah, definitely a dumb disagreement though. In The King and I, the King gives into modern civilization's standards. And considering my neck is aching this morning, I'm getting a pillow!

Moved!

After a month of being in the married-but-not-feeling-it limbo, we’re moved!

June was hectic to say the least. Returning home after the wedding, packing for (and enjoying) our honeymoon, returning to work for a week only to then packing and move to new apartment- phwew. It felt amazing last night (in our half-furnished, messy apartment) to sit down and breathe. And, it feels real, not like Tom’s spending the night at my apartment. The old place has only felt like that. My place. Now we live in our place.

So, this weekend has flown by with some interesting realizations.

1. I am marrying a man who can navigate IKEA without panic attacks, with a purpose, and amazing packing skills! That utility van was FULL. We furnished our entire apartment that day, in one shot. And without his heavy lifting, I would we would be eating off a milk crate, and sleeping on an air mattress.
2. Animal slippers are terrifying when discovered on fire escapes. See?
3. Dora loved the roach she found. Tom had to wrestle it away from her, to finally flush it to it’s new home. (NYC building are crazy old, and even the cleanest ones will have them, especially if the neighbors in the next building are less than clean). 
4. Roaches can survive the toilet. We did research, since Tom refuses to hurt even a bug, but finally accepted the flushing will leave him unharmed. Youtube research: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8_N-xjytcU
5. Tom found his 'toy box' and decided to sit down and play. And then jumped back up and played laser tag with me. 

I know, perhaps you could've dealt without the roach information, but it's good to know! Never expect to move to a city with old buildings and not see bugs. I've seen so many ones that never existed in the country since moving to NYC. I never even saw a roach until moving here, so that's something to consider.

Will officially start keeping this up, now that I have actual things to talk about. 

Fueling up, Ikea's restaurant

10am

2pm

Dude biking his loot home

AHH! Oh, slipper.

     

I moved in with a 10 year old boy

Tom and his dad- bonding over really confusing instructions.